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*::Show me how defenseless you are::* <3
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| Depression & Mike. |
[Jan. 28th, 2009|07:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | Nothing | ] |
Today I had to watch videos at McDonalds from 9am to 1pm. By the end of the 2nd video I was so bored that it wasn't even funny. On top of that, I had stomach cramps from my lovely "time of the month" friend and my feet and legs were freezing because the computer was right next to the freezer and the occasional open door.
Tomorrow, I go live on counter in my new uniform. Earlier today, I was nervous as hell. Scared out of my mind. Intimidated. Why? God, because of people looking at me and watching me and not knowing what I'm doing. But then again, I had to start new at Tim Hortons, right? And how about Wegmans? And Yings? And People Inc? If I got through those jobs, I can get through this. God is going to be there with me. And I have a tendancy to over-think things and become fearful when there is really no need to. My initial concern is walking into McDonalds with my uniform on and going to the clock to time in, and forgetting how to time in. The other coworkers will be staring at me and what if LaToya is nowhere in sight when a customer comes up to the counter and they need assistance? Okay, I need to chill. I just have to take things one step at a time.
I miss Mike horribly. Today is a week ago when him and I hung out at his house. The past week, he called me luff and texted back with me and asked how I was doing and made conversation and then yesterday...he was all "back to business" with me. Calling me Karen. Not really wanting to continue a conversation. I wonder if Wednesday night he just felt "lonely" and needed a familiar luff around. He's not the type to use me, right? Madden says that he has used me before, but I really don't remember. Or maybe I don't want to remember? But whatever the deal is, I can't keep being depressed and pining away thinking of him while he goes on and lives his life and probably not even thinking of me. I can't let him get under my skin like this. I'm stronger and better than that. Every time something's not right, I'm the one who depressed and sad and crying and isolating myself and ruining the rest of my day. He's not. Tonite, he has a hockey game at 9:30 and I'm sure he's hanging out with Sean and Ken beforehand and not even thinking about me or the last time I went to the game with him, which was last week. STOP IT KAREN. And he took the pictures of us down on his profile and I knew he was eventually going to do it because he wanted to enhance the "single" status. When I went on Myspace, I took down the pictures of us too. Maybe it's for the best that way. I know he told me two or three weeks ago that the thought of us getting back together is still in his mind and he can see it, but he still wants to keep his options open. Like those parties that his coworker Steve has at his house on Friday nights. And girls getting wasted and giving lapdances. And Mike might be hitting on them. And they might be hitting on him even though one of the girls is only 18 years old. Ugh. Whatevs. I gotta just GET OVER IT. I was talking to Madden last night and worrying about what Mike does is just gonna make me feel emotionally upset and sick. And I can't let missing him ruin my job tomorrow. I gotta give it to God. Ya know, I just might do a devotional. Only God can help me right now and no one else. If I don't get this outta my system, I'm gonna go crazy.
Love. |
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| SNG & Jackie's Party. |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|01:47 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Family Room | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | None | ] |
I'm home from Jackie's party. It's 1:47am and my stomach doesn't feel so hot. Maybe it's because I swallowed most of that chicken club taco from Chili's. Or maybe the alcohol is hitting me now. Ouch, now my teeth hurt. They've been bothering me all night. My jaw is very sore. And I wish I could fully brush my teeth. The back molars feel so fuzzy.
Tonite, SNG went to Chili's in celebration of Ken's birthday. His birthday isn't actually until this coming Wednesday but he wanted to celebrate it early. Here are the people that came that you all know and love:
Mike
Dan
Madden
Russ
Amanda
Ken
Sean
Karen {Sean's girlfriend}
Nikki
Petras, Eric and his wife showed up but merely by coincidence. They pulled up chairs and sat at the end of the table where Mike, Ken, Sean and Dan were.
I was talking to Karen on and off. She's a cool chick and I'm glad Sean found someone that he can be happy with. I was trying to nibble on some chips and my chicken club tacos but my jaw was really bothering me and eventually I stopped. Mike and Sean got into an argument concerning the Rampage team budget and some hockey jerseys.
Every so often, I stole a peek at Mike.
Afterwards, we went to Jackie's. Okay...I was nervous on the drive over in Madden's car. But once we got to Jackie's and I walked in the house, I felt calm. Granted Jaime was there like I had expected. She dyed her hair a dark brown and I was surprised how long it had gotten. She was wearing jeans and a blue Hooters t-shirt. We did not say a single word to each other the entire night. There were absolutely no problems.
Seeing Jackie was really nice. I gave her a present that I had picked out for her earlier at the mall. She made jello shots and man those were good. I had like 7 or 8 of them and I was completely fine. Mike and I took the tabs off pop and beer cans and played catch while Russ and Vinny tried to intercept it. It was funny and we did it for awhile. Every time Russ or Vinny caught our tabs, I went into the kitchen and broke some off of empty pop cans. Eventually I ended up cutting my finger and had to ask Jackie for a Band Aid. I really enjoyed spending time with Mike. I actually spent most of the evening near him.
At the end of the night, Mike was sitting next to Jaime near the fish tank. Deebs was on the couch and two of Jaime's guy friends were down there too. At first it bothered me. Why is Mike sitting next to Jaime? But then I chilled out and walked by Jaime to give Mike a hug good-bye. He stood up and hugged me and told me that he hoped I'd feel better. Jaime moved her foot when I walked by her again. Not bad. Not bad.
Now, here I am sitting on the couch and thinking about Mike. He has to be at work at 10am tomorrow and I'm sure he's working until 6pm. I wish we were together again. I love hanging out with him. He says there's this one new co-worker named Amy, I think, who's real flirty to the guys and has even flirted with him. There's nothing more to say to that. Whatevs.
Anyways, I should get some sleep and try not to think about Mike so much. Tomorrow is my last day of rest before I start work at Mickey D's at 9am. I can't let my emotions for Mike get the best of me anymore. I have to be strong.
Kayyy I vented once again. This technique is so nice. Writing in my journal really helps me calm down.
I gotta brush my teeth and get an ice pack. Plus, I'm cold.
Love. |
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| Venting is good for the soul. |
[Jan. 23rd, 2009|05:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | Usher, Brandy and Trapt songs. | ] |
Today has been pretty relaxing. I woke up around 11:25, jumped in the shower and spent most of the afternoon on the couch downstairs, watching Bring It On Again and Bring It On: All Or Nothing. Afterwards, my mom wanted to vacumm so I went upstairs in my room. For about an hour I got distracted with certain sites on the Internet and trying to get Limewire off of my laptop. I also went on Myspace and now I'm writing in here.
Mike and I texted back and forth once again last night :-) It really made my night. I love talking to him. And once again he initiated the conversation, saying that he hoped that I was doing better.
Then I went on his myspace last night. And then since I was bored I clicked on Jaime's profile to check up on her comments. Madden still leaves her comments every so often. It doesn't surprise too much anymore or bother me all that much. I've kinda gotten over it. But then I saw a comment that Mike left her last night, "Hey just stopping by to say hey!" or something like that. Inwardly I groaned. Not because of anything between him or her but the fact that she just can't be left alone by my friends. If it wasn't for me, these people wouldn't know her. So this afternoon, I went back on his profile and she commented back, "hey hey, see you this weekend" or something like that. I wonder if she's gonna come to Chili's for Ken's birthday. I know she's gonna be at Jackie's house afterwards and I'm going. Part of me is a little nervous; not because I did anything wrong, but just the fact that I'll have to be around Jaime and keep my cool. Sometimes when I think about her I'm okay and then there's times like this where this angry hatred inside of me starts building up. I really don't hate her, but sometimes I feel like I should. *sighs* Life is filled with difficult people and I just have to suck it up and deal with it. Besides, there's other people I can talk to and I'm doing it for Jackie. I like Jackie a lot and her and I have been texting back and forth this week. Her surgery went well by the way. Lord, help me to forgive Jaime. I don't want to feel like this when I think about her or when I have to be around her. I know that when I go to the party, You'll be there too. I just had to write down my feelings cuz I don't want to keep them inside. And I can't tell people not to talk to her; that would be immature. Even though I SO badly wish I could. Jaime will eventually expose her true colors like she did in the past. Mike knows that she's crazy. But I just don't understand why he had to leave her a comment. God, I hate feeling so insecure. Him and I aren't even dating. I wish we were. I love him so much. But I digress on that subject.
*breathes deeply* I know I can do this and I'm not gonna let fear get in the way of hanging out with my friends. I just have to be myself. Lay it down on the alter and let God deal with it. It's better than me doing the dirty work. And also, things aren't always what they appear to be anyways.
On a lighter note, Dan wants to stop by again tonite to see me :-) I do want to see him even though I have puffy cheeks and my mouth is sore.
I feel chubby. I wish I can exercise. Grrrrrr.
Mom bought me some dark chocolate ice cream. Mmm sounds good. I'm also in the mood to make chocolate chip cookie dough. Yum. I'd have to suck on the chocolate chips.
Friday night and once again I'm staying home with no arguments. I like being a hermit sometimes and chilling with myself with the company of the fam.
I gotta stop looking at porn. Ugh. I feel so dirty afterwards. Why do I get so tempted into it? I can't allow myself to be led into temptation with my emotions; I know I have to delete that folder. I'm gonna do it as soon as I'm done blogging in her. I know I'll hate myself for it later but it's the best thing I can do for myself.
I'm feeling a bit better about the Jaime situation. I don't feel like talking to anyone about it so that's why I'm getting it off my chest so I can free myself. Everything is going to be okay. I saw her two weeks ago at SNG; I can suck it up and see her again. Yup yup.
Kayy I'm done for now.
Love. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2009|10:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | Smart Guy episodes | ] |
Well, I survived the surgery. I'm currently sitting on the couch watching Smart Guy and chilling on Myspace and talking to people on AIM and MyspaceIM. It's currently 10:58pm.
I was somewhat calm when my mom and I walked into Dr. Engle's office. When the dental assistant came out to call me in, I asked if I could use the bathroom. Once I walked to the bathroom and shut the door, I began crying.
"Just get it out of your system, Karen. Just get it out of your system."
Dr. Engle did end up using an IV on me, but it was nothing like the incident at the Quest blood lab. The entire surgery was painless. I felt like it only took a couple of minutes when it really took an hour. Along with the ansthesia, I was given laughing gas and novacaine. AT one point, I remember waking up and humming to the song that was played on the radio. I could hear the drill but couldn't feel a thing. It was so relaxing.
Last night, Mike and I actually got to hang out. He was the one that suggested it :-) I went over to his house. It was nice to see his family again. I've always liked them. Then we went into Mike's room and watched some Family Guy episodes. And just cuddled. His dad ended up walking in lol. Afterwards, Mike invited me to come to his 11:30pm Rampage hockey game at Milsher. It was so cold in the rink and the Rampage left 7-0. I was proud of Mike for trying.
My mouth is getting pretty sore now. The doctor said that the next day is the worst. The cheeks puff up, the mouth throbs...yeah. Oh well. The worst part is over.
I'm gonna go to bed soon. I'm starting to get drowsy.
Love. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|01:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom. | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | A little calmer. | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Piano Man" - Brandy - | ] |
Tomorrow I'm getting my wisdom teeth out, all four of them. I'm really nervous and there are some fears running through my mind. What if they think they knocked me out but they really didn't and all of a sudden they cut into my mouth and I feel the pain? And for the anasthesia, are they gonna have to stick it in my arm? The last time when I got my blood taken, the lady couldn't get the blood out of my vein and stuck me about three times. Afterwards it really hurt. I don't want to have to feel that pain again. I just hope they knock me out before they do any of this procedure. But the time I went in for the evaluation, Dr. Engle explained the procedure thouroughly and told me that it was going to quick and comfortable. Even the receptionist assured me and told me not to listen to the horror stories of others. I should just give this to God. He'll be there for me too. Sometimes I forget about Him too much, and I shouldn't.
Everything is gonna be okay.
"God has not given us a spirit of fear but one of power, love & a sound mind."
"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything."
How could I have forgotten about those verses?
I'll pray as soon as I'm done with this entry.
Good news. I talked to Mr. Madden last night when I visited Dan at Kenmore West. I apologized and he accepted it. He said that I'm a very sweet girl and always more than welcome at his house. I felt so much better and now I'm not gonna feel as ackward when I go over to hang with my brothers.
And Mike and I have still been texting back and forth. It feels so nice. He knows how to calm me down. God, I've missed talking to him :D
I feel bad for snapping at my parents downstairs. I'll apologize to them too. Just thinking about the wisdom teeth made me nervous. But I think I'm okay now.
Oh yes and another thing. I got the job at McDonalds! I start next week Monday at 9am for orientation. I'm a little nervous but I'm not gonna let it sabotage my job. No way. I can do this. I just gotta take it one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Well, that's all for now.
Love. |
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| Play me a song about heartache, I promise I can sing every word. |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|06:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | Bummed. | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Piano Man" - Brandy - | ] |
Well, I did it. I just got off the phone with Mrs. Madden about five minutes ago. She was pretty calm during the conversation; Dan thought that she was gonna be rude to me. I guess I would've deserved it if she was. God, what was I thinking? I didn't think that a little stupid trip to Delaware would've changed everything. Where does that leave me now? I'm sure that I won't be over the Maddens' house anymore. And what about visiting Dan at work? I know that eventually I have to talk to his father. I'm nervous. But final closure on this situation would be a good thing. I just feel like I won't be hanging out with them as much anymore. Good job, Karen. You've done so well. *sighs*
Last night with Christina went well. We went to the mall. She kept running into people that she knew. Dayummm. Afterwards we stopped over at this kid Justin's apartment. God, he really has the hots for her, even though Christina is in a committed relationship with a boy named Tommy. She thinks she might even be pregnant with his kid. Anyways, Christina and Justin ended up kissing. Uh oh. And then he wanted to do a threesome. *sighs* Seems like everyone wants to do one with me lately. I ended up kissing Christina. Whatever lol, it happens.
I was supposed to hang out with Ken tonite but I texted him and cancelled. I wasn't lying when I said I was feeling horrible. That much is true, all thanks to the situation with Delaware and Dan. I can't believe that I cried when I got off the phone with Mrs. Madden. I hate when I do that. If I talk to Mr. Madden I hope I don't cry.
Mike just texted me and I told him how things with Mrs. Madden with. I'm awaiting his response.
Hmmm...I'm wondering if I should go to Vintage tonite now that I'm not seeing Ken. Or maybe I stay home and be a hermit.
But there's a silver lining in the cloud over my head right now. I have a job interview with McDonalds at 9am and then Burger King called me after I finished dinner with my parents. 4:30 on Friday. Sweet. I'm desparate for money and I don't steal anymore.
God, I'm bummed as hell. I lost Dan and Madden. There's tears in my eyes.
Mike texted me back. He said, "Karen. They're adults. That's rediculous!"
Now Dan texted me and said that I am allowed at the house. I'm confused.
Mike says they've reached an all-time low. |
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| Quiz time for Karen. |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|06:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | Akon's new CD, which kicks ass. | ] |
</form>
And the funny thing is...I own an *Nsync shirt from the concert in 2001 at HSBC arena!
</form>
Holy crap...you have NO idea how true this is. I do swing both ways. I have no STD's and I would never use a vibrator. I don't care for sticking random objects up my crotch, thank you very much.
</form>
Well at least I'm not gonna be getting murdered.
And now one for the road cuz I srsly gotta get ready now:'
</form>
Okay now these quizzes are NOT working in my favor :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2009|05:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My bedroom. | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | distressed | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | Akon's new CD, which kicks ass. | ] |
I feel like I'm living the anti-social life. I have no job and I hole myself up in my room at times: downloading music, burning CDs, watching Family Guy and reading my BTK book. I've been having cravings for junk food and often feel tired and sad or aggravated.
I don't feel like chasing people down anymore. I remember all the times I would call up the Madden brothers, asking them to hang out or wanting to visit them at work. Now their parents are mad at me because I drove Dan and I out to the haunted Delaware Rd and ended up stranding us out there in -12 degree weather. Granted, Dan was the one that lost my key somehow, but it's not really his fault. Things happen and there's no use getting mad. I expect people to show me mercy when I need it so I do it to other people and believe the best. I'm scared to see either of t And then there's James. I felt that after awhile, I was always the one IMing him on AIM or leaving him comments on Myspace or texting him. I just don't feel like it anymore.
And there's the fact that I miss Mike like crazy. I want to be with him so bad, but he wants to enjoy the single life a little bit more even though at times it makes him miserable.
I have almost no money and the credit card bills are not making things any easier. How could I have been so stupid with that? I wish I could go back to September when I left People Inc and been a little more wise about seeking another job instead of "taking this month for fun."
I know I need a job and I've been looking with the help of my mom, but there's times I feel anxious and depressed and afraid that if I have a job I won't be motivated to go in and then get reprimanded or worse, fired.
Maybe being alone isn't a bad idea. I can try to get to know myself again so I won't feel as confused.
And then there's the fact that I have feelings for girls and keep searching through profiles on Myspace, trying to find the perfect one. Some of the girls I find are just whores but their pictures turn me on.
And I think I'm starting to have a porn addiction. I keep thinking about guys and sex. Sometimes I'll download movies or clips on Limewire or I'll browse the internet looking for girl-on-girl action.
I'm not in school this semester. I've been lying to my friends telling them that I am, especially Madden and Amanda. I just don't want to feel like a loser. Mike talked to me about this this past Saturday night at BWW when it was just him and I after everyone else left. There's nothing wrong, he says, with doing what you have to do and it doesn't make you any less successful. He also told me that I'm not looking hard enough for jobs and that I need to have motivation and a positive attitude. I know he's right, but I have such a hard time controlling my emotions and being disciplined.
Tonite, I told Christina Grampp I'd get together with her. I don't want to, not because of her but because of the way I'm feeling right now. But maybe it will be good for me to get out of the house.
It sounds like someone is mowing their lawn outside my bedroom window. Who would do that in the snow? Or maybe it's just a snowblower.
Well, I should wrap this up. Maybe I'll write some more when I get home tonite from hanging out with Christina.
Peace. |
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| Headaches from killing. |
[Dec. 18th, 2008|05:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | None | ] |
I just finished playing F.E.A.R. and I have the biggest headache right about now. I had one or two med-kits and I was doing so well, waiting for there to be a "Save Checkpoint", but one never came and I ended up dying...only to realize I gotta start my killing spree all over again. *groans*
I'm going to Becca's tonite for the Bible Study Christmas party. It starts at 7:30 and I'm really looking forward to it. Afterwards, Dan wants me to come over and play video games. I hope we don't have to be so close tonite. It's not that I mind but there are some times when I'm not in the mood. No offense to Dan or anything.
Last night I slept over my grandma's house. It was a lot of fun. We played some Rummy and watched TV and talked. Sometimes I feel as if I take her for granted and I never want to do that. She's 87-years old; God could snatch her at any moment. I want to be thankful for the time I spend with her and make more time for her.
So, here are some updates. It's been so long since I've written in here:
* Mike and I broke up on March 17th, 2008. He wanted to be single and see what it would be like to date other people. Over the summer, him and I were so close and acted like we were dating. He wanted to get back together with me until he found out that I was still charging on my credit cards. That's when he pulled the cord. Now him and I see each other once a week and that's at SNG.
* Jeremy and I did get a lot closer over the summer. It started with us talking again at Mike's grad party. But, like he usually does, he pushed away and now he's in China for 10 months. He left in September and once again I'm assuming him and Audra are dating again.
* Jaime and I are no longer friends. She's a psycho and has does nothing but cause me extra grief and stress.
...hmmm...I guess those are the major things.
Oh yeah, and I'm not in school anymore. I dropped out on November 20th, 2008 because I was failing all of my classes and it was going to severely drop down my GPA, which wasn't so hot anyways. I think I wanna give up Digital Media and become a lawyer. Or...is that really what I want to do? I'm so confused.
I'm not allowed back in Wegmans until July 14thm 2010. Go me.
I work at Yings-Wings-Things and Bar. 24 hours a week. My mom wants me to get a 2nd job but I don't want to.
I need more motivation in life. All I do is work, hang with friends, sleep in, go on Myspace and play video games on my 360. So much for a future...at least for now.
I think I'm gonna take a walk now. Peace. |
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| Updates and Haunted Roads |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|10:14 am] |
I finished my research paper at 1:30am. This morning I just handed it in...and felt as if a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up at 7:45am...and felt like someone had threw a bunch of bricks on my body. I felt so sick and weak from lack of sleep. I looked at my cell phone and realized that I had an incoming text message. After deleting an old message, it came through...from Jer. So he didn't forget about me after all ;-) I really hope that I can hang out with him at Vintage tonite...
I'm still searching for something more. It's like a nagging feeling in my stomach that won't be satisfied unless something big happens. All I want to do is listen to Christian music and read my Bible. Just drift away from reality and let my mind wander.
Big News: I found the haunted road that Jaime and Ed were telling me, Mike, Madden && Dan about this past Saturday night. It took me about an hour && just when I was about to give up, there it was by the old bar...Delaware. I was pretty excited and called Jaime at work to tell her about it.
There are claims that the road is haunted because it used to be a place where the Ku Klux Klan brought their black victims and beat and tortured them. They say that at night, you can see the blacks hanging from the trees and the KKK's white hoods in the shadows.
I really want to go at night. If I can't get anyone to go with me, then I'll go by myself. The road seems so...mysterious && that's what's drawing me to it. Not that I'm gonna look for ghosts or anything...I just want to go down there.
Yesterday, I went down that road. The road is narrow, with no place to turn around unless you reach the end where there is a bridge and there's room to turn around there. When I started down Delaware, there were three cars behind. When I approached the bridge, they were gone. I KNOW that I would've have seen them turn around or even pass me. So that was somewhat creepy.
But I'm not a believer in superstition. I believe that your mind can play tricks on you...make you believe something is in front of you when it's really not.
So, yeah.
There goes that yearning feeling of desire in my stomach again. Or maybe I'm just hungry?
I just...really want to go to Vintage tonite. And feel normal. I want to get back in the groove with God again. I want Him to be my strength. |
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| It's easier said than done. |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|01:01 am] |
I can't believe how late it's getting. I can't go to bed until I finish my research paper for U.S. History.
I was supposed to talk to Jer on the phone, but he never called me back :-( I was actually upset...I was really looking forward to have a heart-to-heart with him. The last text I got from him was that he wanted to talk to his mom...so I texted him back telling him to text me when he was done and that I would call him. 45 minutes passed...and there was no word from him. At 12:30 I called him, got voicemail and at 12:45 I called him again...only to get voicemail.
Maybe he just fell asleep.
Maybe that's why he didn't call.
But Jer never forgets. He's always stuck to his promises.
Maybe that's why I feel...so...down about the whole thing. Cuz he was supposed to call me last night when he got out of work and he never did.
Maybe...just maybe, this is God's way of telling me to focus on Him and not be so relient on other people for emotional needs.
But I wanted to go to Vintage tomorrow, I wanted to tell Jer about it tonite so I could be certain that I could sit with him...have a place saved for me at him and Jon's table...
I'm so sick of hiding.
All I want is some Christians friends...some good ones.
Is that so much to ask?
I feel my old stubborn-ness...it wants to seep through...it wants me to be mad at Jer and not get my research paper done.
I gotta fight this.
But I can't do it alone...
Jesus...help... |
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| Laying it all at Your feet, Lord. |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|11:10 am] |
My heart is in a lot of pain. I hate feeling like this.
Yesterday, at 1:48pm, I made a decision to follow Jesus Christ with all of my heart. I was getting so sick and tired of doing things my way, allowing my emotions to control me and run me ragged. I want to do things God's way...I want to call on His wisdom for direction in my life.
These past two years, I've been a mess.
Things I thought that I would never do...I've did.
Thoughts I thought that I would never think...I've thoughts.
Words I thought I'd never say...I've said.
It makes me so sick.
There is another issue that I feel heavily conflicted on. Actually, I take that back...I know what I want. But is it what God wants; and that's what I'm conflicted on. Even though I gave it up to God, I still feel myself pining for it.
I need a strong support system..which is why I want to start attending Vintage and Bible Study on a regular basis. I need good friends...good relationships...with good people who won't bring me down.
There are times when I just wanna SCREAM! |
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| Your mom makes layouts |
[May. 21st, 2006|11:39 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "What You Waiting For" -Gwen Stefani- | ] |
Hi everyone! I am officially back on livejournal. Myspace just doesn't get me the way LJ does *winks*
My Sunday was packed with adventure and people. As usual, this morning I took Lizzie to church with me. Mom and Dad took us to Tim Hortons and it took forever for my bagel. My parents were getting antsy because Mom was supposed to be at the Chapel at 10:30 to work the coffee bar and we didn't leave Tim Hortons until 10:45. Dad vowed never to go there on a Sunday unless we rolled outta bed extra early.
The service was really good. Pastor Al Cockrell was preaching on his hilarious series "Desparate Households" based off the hit TV show "Desparate Housewives." He was preaching about marriage relationships and how husbands and wives should treat each other in the Lord. It made me think of my baby :-D
Then at 3:00 I had people from Iak's Bible Study over for a cook-in and fun. Jay Coop, Becca, Mish, Aud, Mo, Steve, and Stacey showed up. It was great! I really enjoyed connecting with Christian peeps and we shared in lots of laughs and food. Later in the evening, Becca, Mish, Mom, and I watched Enough. That movie never gets old. Mom and I have so many inside jokes with it. It was funny seeing Mish getting nervous with all the suspense that was packed in that movie! Lol.
I wish I had my baby by my side today. He went out with some friends to see The DaVinci Code and promised to give me details on it. I don't know personally how I feel about the movie. Maybe I'll rent it when it hits Blockbuster or Hollywood Movie. But I can't see spending money that's just gonna go into Dan Brown's pockets for a movie ticket. I guess I'm too cheap *winks*
I'm not too sure what else to write. Hmmmm...I'm working tomorrow from 1:30 to 5:30. Then I'm planning on youth group with Sarah and Nikki and then spending time with Mike after. So yeahhh...it's onnnn......
And I am officially starting on my new diet tomorrow. No more processed foods, or junk in general. I'm gonna go on the Kenny Chesney Diet ♥ And I'm not gonna back down on this one.
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| We're living in an All-American dream... |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|02:03 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  working up thrill to learn | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | Mrs. Rowe's lilting voice | ] |
It's funny, really. How people break up and get back together. Or they break up and stay like that for good.
Or so it seems.
I love my Mike so much. He makes me feel like the most valuable person on Earth. After God, that is! hehe* I just said goodbye to him like two minutes ago before I headed into Digital Imaging...where I am now. He's gotta go put bread and water on the table.
Life is indeed good.
Tonite, I'm heading off to youth group once again with Nikki and Sarah (crosses fingers in hopes she'll have the car). MOVIE NIGHT BABY! It'll be nice to see all the interesting peoples again. *grins* And then it's back to home to work on a Multimedia Production online quiz. Joy. At least it's open book.
And why did JJ and Marie have to break up? Again? I guess I'll just never understand people.
Mike and me: back in business on 02/28/06. One year and EIGHT MONTHS! WOO!
Sorry. I get so excited at times *winks*
Rowe Your Boat is taking attendance. Time to pay attention!! |
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| Trying to act cool. |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|10:59 am] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "You've Changed" -Keshia Cole- | ] |
Ahhhh....I feel like a 10-year-old walking around on a college campus.
Am I supposed to feel this way?
:-D
I went back to youth group the first time in months. With Nikki and Sarah, of course! I invited Dan to come and he really enjoyed it...and really wants to come back next week. So now I'm hoping that I don't work next Monday so he can come with me. I also played some bumper pool against Aud...she beat me once and I beat her once so now we have a tiebreaker that will just have to wait until next time. hehe* AND HE SHOWED UP!! Nikki and Sarah started laughing hysterically when it happened...and I'm getting all embarrassed! *grins somewhat mega wide*
On the way home, Nikki's dad's truck stalled out on Brighton and Delaware. It was pretty funny. A cop car pulled up behind us...so no drivers would ram into us from behind. It was quite "off the hook." And then Sarah and Jim and Jackie joined us and were standing in the street...and Nikki's dad was more worried about them getting hit by passing cars than the cops were!
Oh yes.
I feel the deafness coming on. |
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| But the best of me stayed. |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|02:39 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "My Innocence" -Lindsay Lohan- | ] |
Everything is going to be okay. I can feel it deep within me. After the rain, the sun will shine and it will be completely bright again. There will be tears along the way. But I know that God will heal. He never gives us too much that we can't handle. Wow. How I have forgotten that for so long.
There will be days when I feel like s***
Where I just wanna quit.
And just be normal for a bit.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so.
It feels like it's been forever.
Since you've been gone.
But maybe you will be back.
And if that day occurs.
Then it will be the most joyful.
But until then.
I have to hold up my head.
And be confident.
In who I am.
And who I will become.
It's go time. |
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| Updates? As you say? |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|01:53 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Cold" -Crossfade- | ] |
I'm sitting in Digital Imaging now. I really don't want to be here. But I need to in order to pass the class and make an advancment in my education as a Graphic Designer. My teacher (professor) has an attitude and has favorites but I can't let that stop me. All I can do is to try...try the very best that I can.
Wednesday...ah, the bliss of not working tonite. I'm gonna stay home...work on some homework and hopefully go out for coffee with my dad. It's father-daughter bonding time.
So many things in my life have been changing...and I've been embracing them with open arms. Some things need to change. Other things...the change is good but yet it hurts. Oh well.
Valentine's Day rocked. Mike took me out for dinner at Friday's and then we went up to Niagara Falls. Got some ice cream. It was so nice. He bought me a stuffed gorilla that holds a heart with the words "I love you" inscribed on it. *grins* I got him the latest Yellowcard CD and some chocolates. And he got me chocolates and a red carnation. Ahhhh...what a great night 'twas...
Teacher is starting class...enough updates for one day... |
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| From Ken to Deviant Behavior |
[Jan. 20th, 2006|01:35 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  I ate too much! | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Not the One" -ZoeGirl- | ] |
You can only eat so much greasy food.
Yuck.
I feel like I want to gag.
For the last 20 minutes, I was sitting in the cafe talking to Ken. He's not the most attractive guy and maybe needs to go on a weight-loss program, but I'll tell you something - he has a big heart and is always willing to help others. I can learn from this guy. He's so self-less and has this child-like simplicity concerning life. In some respects, I wish I could be like him. He doesn't need popularity or money or women (though he would like a girlfriend), all he needs is simple pleasures of this world like the wind on his face, or the sun engulfing him. I don't know...something about Ken just hit me. I wish I could be more content like that :-)
Mike's in class...and I'm attempting to finish assignments so I can have fun this weekend. I must say that my favorite class is Deviant Behavior. It's a pretty intense class and some people from past semesters have fainted, thrown up, or run out of the classroom at some of the material shown. The class deals with serial killers, rape, prostitution, homocide, suicide, homosexuality, and pornography. The professor warned us that the class would be intense and not meant for the faint of heart. *blushes* I can be squeamish when it comes to stuff like that. Like for example, watching someone punch another human being in the face used to make me want to cry. I think I can handle the material...it's only a matter of time.
When I was having dinner with Becca at Subway before Bible Study last night, I was telling her about the class and what it contained.
Me: (joking around) "I was thinking...in order for me to prepare for Deviant Behavior I'm gonna have to look up pictures of...dead corpses."
Becca: (bursting out in laughter) "I thought you were going to say 'look at pictures of pornography!' I was gonna say, 'Karen, that's not such a good idea!'"
That made me laugh soooo hard!!
Facts
* Did you know that the electric chair contains 60,000 watts of power? Far from a day at the beach!
* If you were on death row and the punishment was the electic chair, they would move you closer and closer to death. And the day before, the would test out the electric chair, by turning it on so the criminal would hear the power surge and watch the lights flicker crazily. Could you imagine how much that would scare the criminal? The horror of it all...*shudders*
Mike just officially came out of class and he's sitting right next to me, reading an exerpt from the Mindhunter book that I'm using for the class. He's so adorable *looks over and smiles*
I guess that's all for now!
~K-Out~ |
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| Youth Group and the After-Party... |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|11:41 am] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  If I had wings.... | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "You" -Mya- | ] |
Ahhhh...I just love sleeping in late. I better cherish all the sleep I can get, because once college starts...well, I don't even want to think about it.
Youth group was real nice last night. I got a ride with Jim and Mish was driving, with Mare in the passenger seat. She did pretty good...and even hit that curb gracefully! lol The word of the night was allignment *grins*
Sat with Nikki and Sarah as usual...I love those girls! Jackie Bush came and brought an old friend that I used to know from Hoover Middle: Erin Brignone! Wow! I haven't really seen her in four years so it was nice to talk with her for a little bit. We watched a movie, called Christmas with the Kranks. It was real good...I'm actually considering buying it some time!
Mr. Reitz talked about the ski trip...which I am ALL OVER...and I handed in my ski form to him so now I am officially going! Nikki and I are partners now...hopefully I'll listen to her the next time I start heading toward a big hill! lol.
Mike came and picked me up...then him and I went to get Sterner and his girlfriend Melissa. Mike was able to get Snowball so we headed over to Higher Ground and talked a little bit with John Cobb.
Cobb: "Wow, Karen I really like your hair."
Me (blushing): "Thanks!"
Cobb (turning to Mike): "Do you mind if I compliment your girlfriend further?"
Mike: "That's fine, man."
Cobb (turning back to me): "You look really hott with that hair."
Mike and Cobb laugh and 'slap up some skin'
It was pretty funny. I even got compliments from Sterner too! I get a little embarassed when other girls' boyfriends compliment me...I don't want the girlfriends to get funny or feel weird around me.
That didn't happen though.
We went over to Wendy's and got a shiz-load of food...OMG I just LOVE hanging with Sterner and Melissa! We were listening to music on my iPod and Sterner's. Then we went back to HG and blasted music while Mike talked with Cobb for awhile before dropping us all home at midnight.
It was great. And I love my baby so much! He's like a little puppy that you want to take home!
K-Out. |
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| Yogurt-Covered Pretzels and Things Like Chemistry |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|12:04 am] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | I have a headache | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Holding On" -Pillar- | ] |
Grrrrr...I am so frustrated beyond utter belief. I'm trying to download this one ringtone from Mary J. Blige - "Be Without You" and it's not letting me! First of all, I don't have the correct program and secondly, the Verizon Wireless website is confusing the heck out of me. First they say they have it, and then they won't let me click on it to order it. It sucks major...stuff. lol I want this ringtone so bad...and Mom is actually giving me permission to download one. Something tells me that I'm going to have to stop at the Verizon Wireless booth at the mall.
My day was typical. Nothing too different. Missy and Lizzie came to church with us. They were doing baptism. There was this...I don't mean to be mean, but...fat guy who was in the water next to Pastor Rich. My question was, "How is Pastor Rich going to dunk this guy in the water and lift him back up?" Well, he brought the man under...but as he was lifting him back up, the man stumbled and fell into the water while holding on to the pastor. The look on his face made me want to cry...utter shame and humilation. Mom was sitting next to me and she was like, "Oh my gosh." in that worried hushed whisper. Pastor Rich made the man feel better by saying, "It's alright buddy" and commenting on the man's faith and love for Jesus. The congregation (us people) gave him two applauses. Nobody dared to laugh at that man and I'm glad they didn't. I tried to imagine myself stumbling like that in front of everyone. And Pastor Rich did his best to make the embarrassed heavy-set man feel better.
I had to work from 3:00pm-7:30. It went okay...but my back was sore and I sprained my left hand somehow so I had to cash one-handed. I noticed myself going slower than usual and I'm sure the customers noticed too. I tried to speed up...but I just couldn't. I was in too much pain. However, it's all done now.
Then Mom, Dad, and I went to Denny's because I promised Dad that I would treat him for dessert for his now past birthday...and I saw Pat cooking. I didn't want to be rude so I gave a friendly wave and smiled and he did the same back. Mom was a little nervous lol. Then when we paid the bill, Pat came out and I talked to him briefly...like a minute before saying goodbye. He said goodbye to my 'rents too which was cool. I don't want...or like...to snub people so now I feel good about myself. *grins*
Saturday Night
OFF THE HOOK! Here's the gang (with some newbee's that you know and love)
Mike
Me
Lily
Aud
JJ
Marie
Amanda
Emily
Christa
Vicky
Jen
Jocy
Nikki
Sarah
Katie
The original plan was to meet at Buffalo Wild Wings...until me and my carload met Amanda, Marie, and JJ and heard that it was packed due to the Sabre's game. So we took a vote and decided to go to Kenmore Lanes and bowl. We got there...and realized that there was no open bowling...except for midnight which we wern't going to do. Christa and Em showed up and drove JJ, Aud, and Katie to Denny's. I followed with the rest of the crew. I had to pick up Nikki and Sarah and B.W.W. and the new member to the group, Lily, cuz she didn't know the change of plans. Once we got to Denny's...it was AMAZING! Just being with all my friends and Mike by my side...it was a slice of heaven.
The funny part was when Jen got up and said, "I'll brb" and I was like, "Okay." I saw that Vicky wasn't getting up with her (this time) and I'm like, "You're not going with her?" Vicky shook her head no and I just started clapping. Everyone else joined in. Vicky had this weird look on her face...but it was great. Guess ya just HAD to be there!!
I love people.
Mom's probably dreaming of me getting off the comp so I better bounce.
Oh yeah...I get to go to youth group tomorrow! Yay! And Mike's meeting me after...cuz he doesn't want to go now.
I love my life. |
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| That peaceful feeling... |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|02:19 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Dangerous and Moving" -T.A.T.U. | ] |
I love that peaceful feeling.
Last night I slept over Lily's house after her, me, and Mike hung out. We drove around...went to the Olympic...and then crashed at her house. She introduced me to Rent. I wasn't impressed with the soundtrack at first but now I'm addicted and been trying to download their songs. hehe* Being at her house was so nice...I just can't explain it. I felt so at home and that doesn't happen to me a lot.
Me and Mike's year and a half anniversary was yesterday as well. Hard to believe that it's been that long. My mom didn't think we would last past the summer of 2004...boy, was she wrong! lol. I really enjoyed spending time with him last night.
Bible Study was pretty insane. I don't think we got to the study until after 10pm. Everyone was laughing about what ticked them off. Mish was OFF THE WALL...I never seen her that crazy and empathetic before!! *grins* She's awesome. I went to the study early so Jer and I could work on our Revalation study...which went okay but... I don't know when we'll ever get it done. If God wants this study to be taught...then it will. I can't worry about it anymore.
So now here I am...on the comp...thinking...as well as IMing other people. And I have to work tonite.
The joy of it all... |
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| Just my little plans... |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|10:18 am] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | OK DAD!! | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "If We Are The Body" -Casting Crowns- | ] |
So today is a new day. And it oughta be interesting.
I'm gonna get my hair highlighted and styled...with some of the money that I got from Christmas and also that Mother/Daughter survey. It's gonna be hott...I want it to look noticeable and hip. Maybe get a bit of Hilary Duff in there. *grins* When I do my hair...it's not conservative.
And then I'm going out to dinner at the IHOP with my 'rents and my Gran and Aunt...for Dad's birthday dinner. His b-day is technically on the 1st but we're celebrating today because I have to work a lot this weekend.
And then I'm going into work tonite...once again from 7:00pm to 12:00am. Joyness.
Catch ya lata playa!
K-Out |
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| Joshua Revolution Confusion |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|06:39 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | Gotta go to work soon | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Hypnotized" -Pillar- | ] |
Part of me wishes that I could've attended Joshua Revolution. I really wanted to go so bad...on Tuesday night I even had a dream about going. In one segment, Jer called me at 8:30am and said, "I got a ride for you! You have five minutes to get ready!" I sprang outta bed, called Nikki to tell her the news, and was walking toward the bathroom...when I woke up.
In the second segment, Jer called around 10:30am and said the same thing - that I had five minutes to get ready. I heard a van pull up and a young couple got out wearing matching J.R. shirts. I waved at them from my window and was about to walk to the bathroom when I woke up.
In the third segment, my mom and dad finally gave in and allowed me to drive the car out to Rochester. It was around 9:00pm. Nikki and I were walking toward the Grand Am when I woke up.
When I woke up the last time, my face was wet. I didn't realize that I was crying.
Yesterday, I tried my best to get a ride out. Jer texted me and told me that he asked around but nothing worked. So I texted Emily and she wanted to come. She couldn't use her parents' car because they were using it but asked if mine was available. She knew Rochester decently and I didn't think it would be a problem if she drove it. Mom was okay with it...as long as it was ok with Dad. It wasn't. I was heartbroken...but then I realized that God didn't want me to go out there. And I had to accept that.
But there are times like now when I wish I was there.
Here's the lesson I learned from it: Buy an event pass and stay the whole time!
That's next year's plan. |
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| Christmas Eve and Day! |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|01:44 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Show Me Love (Russian Version)" -T.A.T.U.- | ] |
Indeed...it has been quite a long time. *tsk tsk*
For starters, my Christmas was very nice! On Christmas Eve my Gran, Mom, and Dad went to the 4:00pm service at the Chapel at Crosspoint. It was beautiful...and when one of the male singers sang, "Mary, Did You Know?" my eyes started filling up with tears. It was absolutely touching...and breath-taking. I prayed that this Christmas wouldn't be like any other...but different...and more meaningful.
After that, we headed over to my Aunt Carol's house for the party...which is always off the hook. I horned in on the food the minute I walked in (I'm a Cowles and Cowles like to eat!) and basked in my family's glory...whom with some I only see once a year. I felt so relaxed and comfortable...it was great. I talked with Jer on the phone for a while (he was getting out of work) and then I called Mike and invited him over to the party. He didn't end up making it so we left early...around 9:30...and he met us at my house. The presents Mike got me were so sweet...a silver cross necklace, the Russian version of one of T.A.T.U.'s American CDs, a $20 gift certificate to F.Y.E. and a beany-stuffed snowman. It was thoughtful. I got Mike the War of the Worlds DVD and Mom gave him hive fave junk food and drinks. He loved it...and I loved watching his expression as he sifted through his new gifts.
Mom and Dad went ahead to church at St. Bart's and Mike and I followed in his Sonoma. He dropped me off; he didn't stay because he had to get up early the next morning. I walked in and ran into Jer...who was apparently waiting for me. We met up with my parents and Nikki and her fam and sat down. The service was beautiful...Father Ward gave a good sermon. Then everyone said their goodbyes and off home we went.
My parents and I decided to open our presents when we got home...instead of waiting til the morning. This is what I received:
* Britney Spears perfume
* iPod - holds 500 songs as well as pictures and movies
* Nailcare package - the kind that those people at the mall bug you to get but you know it's the good stuff
* The Emperor's New Groove!
* Leather black gloves
...and I can't remember what else, but oh well...
I didn't get a chance to get my parents (or anyone for that matter) anything for Christmas. I only was able to get Mike's present off of borrowed money from my mom...which I already paid back by now. But yesterday I gave my mom $13 for a necklace that she wanted....and I have my dad's gift in the bag.
Christmas Day...my Gran and Aunt Carol came over around 2pm for dinner...which I helped Mom make. I love hanging out with my fam! Then mom and I played a duet (her on the piano and me on the flute) toward some Christmas songs. I didn't think I was going to have fun with that, but I did.
Then around 5:30pm, Mike picked me up and I went to his aunt's house for a party. We hung around...he scratched off his lottery tickets that his parents bought him and he won $25. The food was off the hook...and then we watching football games, did a Yankee Gift Exchange, and then watched War of the Worlds. I didn't get home until 2:15am. I love being close to Mike...it was a very memorable night! *muah*
I wish I could write more, but Mom wants me to watch Miracle on 34th Street with her. Maybe I'll write more when I get out of work at midnight!
K-Out |
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| Incoherent Thoughts |
[Dec. 15th, 2005|12:22 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Hypnotized" -Pillar- | ] |
A stuffy nose
A sore throat
A fading voice
A bottle of Nyquil
This can't be good...
Just another ordinary day at school. I took my final test in Design and I think I did decent on it *crosses fingers* Now I'm just sitting in my Comp class...bored outta my mind...and waiting for the teacher to walk in the room.
Dang, this semester really flew fast.
I have no college tomorrow so I'm pretty psyched about that! *winks* Which means that I might be able to stay extra-late at Bible Study tonite! Let's hope so...
Yesterday was my first time on the register at work and I didn't do too bad at all! Wow...I was flipping out over absolutely nothing. God was with me the whole time. I'm actually pretty excited about working from 7:30 to midnight tomorrow!
Teacher just walked in...I'm outtie like a fat kid in dodgeball! |
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| ~A Weekend of Dreams and Fantasies~ |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Run It" -Chris Brown- | ] |
I swear, I live the life of a celebrity...minus the fantastic shopping sprees and the facials and manicures...lol.
I'm just happy with who I am and even happier about all the people that are integrated in my life. I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone in the world. Sounds weird, I know...I remember when I wished to be Britney Spears so many moons ago...
Ahhhh...where to begin?
Friday - Worked from 4:30 to 8:30. Nancy, the woman who does the training, was telling me and this girl Lisa that we would be put on the register the next morning. I started getting nervous and praying that it wouldn't happen. Came home...then went out to Tops to get some butter so I could make my fave cookie recipe. Saw an old friend from high school; her name is Jen and she used to be in my gym class along with Tess and JJ.
Saturday - Worked from 11:00am to 3:00pm. Lisa and I didn't go on register...which thrilled me exceedingly. We finished up the last of our training and then sat down to fill out some paperwork. I took forever on mine...and oh darn, there was no time for the register. *laughs* There was no Tully's...Mike and I decided to cancel it because we wanted to get our homework done. Talked with Joe, Marie, Dan Madden, Mike, and Jer. Oh yeah and I GOT A NEW CELL PHONE AND IT'S FLIPPIN' SWEET!!
Sunday - Went to church...picked up Missy and Liz. I was feeling a little sick during the service...and that bowl of cereal that I had in the morning did nothing for me. Dad wanted to stop at Wegmans and Mom at the mall so Miss, Liz, and I sat in the car and listened to music while playing with my new phone. Took some videos *winks* I was starting to get impatient because I wanted to get to Jer's birthday party on time but that just wasn't happening. Missy dropped her phone in the snow...thank God it was alright.
Finally Dad and Mom got their act together (I mean that in the upmost respect! lol) and they dropped me off at Jer's. The party started at one...and I arrived at 2:15. Jer's dad let me in: "We don't want any!" and I got a hug from Jer. Mish, Chris, Aud, Moriah, and Maddens were seated around the TV, watching the football game while chowing down pizza and wings. It's kinda sad that the Bills suck...now if I was playing football for them...*winks* So yeah the New England Patriots won...Jer's fave team.
Dan showed me his story and I got the chance to read it over. He's writing a story for a video game and I think his concept is sweet :-) And I'm in his game too...with a pretty cool car! Dan also gave me a burned CD...I was touched!
The highlight was when Aud, Mish, and I were doing headstands in the living room. Aud is amazing at stuff like that, I envy that girl! lol. Her and Mish spotted me a few times...I wore Aud's jacket so my shirt wouldn't come down. All in all it was fun...ya just hadda be there ;-D
I don't wanna say much...but let's just say that things worked out quite nicely in the end *grins*
Present - So there you have it. My weekend in a nutshell. "OMG HELP I'M STUCK IN A NUTSHELL!"
OoOoOoO...Mike and I had some car trouble while driving to college yesterday morning! Alright...well, I was driving...and we were just talking and listening to music. Typical, right? So we're on Shawnee and driving...and I stop at a red light. Suddenly this God-awful smell hits my nose. I thought it was the truck that just passed up...cuz sometimes they leave a trail of diesel...so I didn't say anything. It got stronger, and I asked Mike if he noticed it. So the light turns green and the smell was UNBEARABLE so I roll down the window. Mike looks at the Temperature gauge on the dashboard and shouted, "Your temp is in the danger zone!" I freaked out and he continued, "Pull over...QUICK!" The car starts smoking terribly...inside and outside. I swerve over to the shoulder and Mike's like, "Get out of the car!" I RUN outta that bad boy like a bat out of hell. Mike turns off the car and shouted, "Grab your stuff!" I start whimpering, "I'm scared!" I hear a running water sound. Looking under the car, I see this snot-green fluid literally POURING out of the bottom of the car. Yeah...this can't be good. So Mike gets his dad on the phone. I call my dad and then Mike talks to him. Mike's mom comes by to pick us up...because we're still a bit of the distance from the school. Mike asks her to take us back to his house so he could get his truck and drive us back out there. I feel so bad...Mike was outside inspecting the hood...which I didn't know where the lever was...and I was inside with my boots off trying to warm my little tosies. Thank God for my baby...I don't know what I would do without him! When Mike's mom came, her and Mike pushed the car off the road while I sat in the driver's seat stearing. Some man got out of his car and helped us. I never felt so cold.
Anyhoo...Dad wasn't too happy about the car...but of course he didn't blame me. Cars are money pits. I say we scrap the Grand AM and get a new car!
Went to work last night from 4:30 t0 8:30. I got a pleasent visit from Jer! He looks adorable in that while fedora hat that Aud got him for his birthday. He got there thru Jon and Amanda, who were buying ingredients for cookies that they were making for the Christmas party at youth group. I sorely wished I could be there. Jer walked around the store with me for a while while I reshopped items...and I showed him these types of mushroom (they're called Truffles) that cost...are you ready?...$299.99 a pound! I kid you not! I even have the pic of those mushrooms and the price on my phone! Just ask for my number and I will send the pic! *grins* Then he had to leave...which was depressing cuz I enjoy his company. I didn't have to cash either...I told Nancy that I just wasn't ready and she said she'd do some one-on-one training with me on Wednesday (that's the next time that I work).
So Mom picked me off and we decided to go over to Harbor Freight to visit Mike...cuz he was getting out of work. He was surprised, yet very happy to see me! We sat in his truck for 10 minutes and talked...and then he pulled me over to Mom's car. All in all...it was a pretty eventful day.
So....now I sit....dreaming and waiting and hoping.... |
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| Wrapped up in a warm Senior hoodie... |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|12:59 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Sugar We're Going Down" -Fall Out Boy- | ] |
I am seriously looking forward to the weekend. And toward the end of the semester. Ahhh...it'll feel so great to kick back and relax when everything is said and done :-D By January...I'll be ready to work my butt off again!
Bible Study tonite *whoop whoop* Once again, Jer and I are going to work on our Revelation study...and I've done a lot for it this past week. He's going to pick me up along with Moriah and off we go! lol. I love the book of Revelations, it's so deep and mysterious and intriguing. Right now I'm reading a book called The Rapture Question where it discusses three main schools of thought: Pre-Trib Rapture, Mid-Trib Rapture, and Post-Trib Rapture. There's also something called Partial Rapture but I haven't read up on that at all. I'm more of a Pre-Trib person myself. There's a scripture in the Bible (damn...I wrote it in my notebook but it's in my locker) that says that "we are not destined to be children of wrath." Because when Jesus comes back to Earth and the Rapture occurs, He will be pouring His wrath out on the world. I strongly believe that Christians will not be around to witness and that's quite relieving to me. I'm still looking for Scripture that backs up my theory so I can debate this issue when the time comes!
Grrrrr...I am so mad about my money situation. I really wanted to get my parents, Mike, and my Gran something for Christmas but I can't :-( I'm too busy paying off cell phone bills and other people. I just wish that I'll find a $50 bill on the street and then I would be set. Wishful thinking. Oh well, I'll just have to be creative and make something for them!
Well, I gotsa BOUNCE like a chicken! Ciao! |
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| Not just your typical Tully's night *winks* |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|12:36 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Complicated" -Avril Lavigne- | ] |
Gotta love those Tully's nights.
Here's the people you know and love:
Mike
Me
Vicky
Jen
Carl
Christina
Marie
Snagglepus
JJ
Jocelyn
Dave Wolfe
Jer
Jessica
Tom
Dan Madden
Vinny
Sarah Siock
This was seriously the biggest group that we ever had! Mike's expression was priceless when he walked into the game room with Tom :-)
I just loved how everyone basically got along. Jen and Vicky stayed with us and seemed to connect quite well *grins* Dave was extremely friendly...it seemed like he was back to his old self. He wants to kill Sterner because he blames him for the breakup of Nikki...but there is a possibility that they may go back out. Carl was hilarious...he's Vicky's friend...and fit in right away.
Jer invited a friend from Franco's to hang out with us...her name was Jessica. According to some people in the group (no need for names) she complained a lot about other people and the situation at hand. Must've killed her to be in a room with people beneath her. 'Nuf said.
The best part of the night was running around in the parking lot, playing catch with Dan's football and giving each other group hugs. I got to ride Snagglepus's bike around the parking lot. The brakes didn't work, so I had to basically jump off :-) I love all my friends...what would I do without them? ♥
Sarah had a drama queen moment...when the lacrosse ball hit her in the face after she bounced it off a stone piller. She was laying on the ground...and flipping out about her glasses. Dave and Vinny comforted her and in no time, she was back up laughing and joking.
It was a night to truly remember...you had to be there for it *winks* |
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| Bible Study Night |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|09:44 am] |
| [ | Môôd |
| | embarrassed | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Vsya Moya Lyubov" -T.A.T.U.- | ] |
I'm bored. And I can't concentrate.
Thursday night bible study was fun...as always. Jer and I went together and got there early so we could work on our bible study on the book of Revelations. It's not as easy as we previously thought tho. Mr. Iak was helping us out a bit...telling us not to do the whole book but just a portion...since Revelations is some pretty deep stuff. Jer and I didn't get as much done as we wanted...I guess we were both too distracted.
So yeah. Becca did the teaching on the fruits of the spirit. And Nate Elder finally showed up! It was great seeing that kid again. He used to be in my Economics class Senior year and he rocks some madd-socks. *winks* Horhai was there too...lol, I mean Sam. It's a long story how he got the name Horhai. Well...Mike, Tom, me, Sam, and Marie were at Pizza Hut after corn-mazin' (this is going way back) and Tom thought his name was Horhai. Ok, so that's the shortened version lol. And the name stuck.
Towards the end of the study, I went upstairs because I couldn't focus. I swear I have ADHD or something. Well Tom was up there so him and I talked for awhile and laughed. That poor stuffed bear lol. Jer came up like 25 minutes later and joined us. And then Mike. I swear, that part made it the best night. I never laughed so hard before like that. And Mike finally told the bear joke to Nate!! I love when Mike tells jokes...he tells them so much better than me :)
So now I'm at school....trying to focus. I cannot wait until this semester ends. |
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| Football Game: Bills vs. Panthers! |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|12:18 pm] |
| [ | Môôd |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Tyte Tunez |
| | "Friend Or Foe" -T.A.T.U.- | ] |
I'm sorry I haven't written in here in so long. I just got caught up with school...and the boyfriend...and friends...and such lol. I have a lot to share.
First of all...the football game was absolutely amazing and fun!! I got to Mike's house around 8:30...thinking that I would be the last to arrive...and was surprised when I only saw Tom there!! Him and I talked about various shizzle and laughed a lot. I like that kid *winks* Mike came out for a couple minutes, said hi to me while giving me a hug, and went back in to finish up some stuff. Jer arrived. Mike came outside again and decided to get gas for Sonny, his truck. Jer offered to go with him, leaving me with Tom. Not like I minded lol.
Finally everyone else arrived...Dibaise, Madden, Russ. I asked Russ how Matt and Missy were going to get out to the game, and Mike jumped in...saying that Matt wanted to ditch Missy so he could go. I was like, "What a scumbag." and Jer's like, "How do you figure?" I said, "Well..I wouldn't want to be ditched." and Jer smiled and said, "Good point." Then Mike put his arms around me and said, "I'm happy you could be with us."
So finally...after Mike's mom came out accompanied by the dad...and everyone finished throwing snowballs at each other and the lawn knomes...we all got into the cars. I rode with Mike and Tom. We stopped at Tops to pick up some snacks and then headed to my old workplace, Timmy Hoes. Mike gave me the money to buy subs for him, me, and Tom because he had to use the bathroom. So I told Jer that he had to stand in line with me...cuz I was nervous that I'd run into a manager or a jerky co-worker, so he did. Made me feel better ;)
Jer and I kept throwing snowballs at each other after we got outside of Timmy Hoes. One landed in my hair and all the guys went, "Ooooooooo!" We chilled in the back of Mike's pickup and laughed and talked.
On the way to Ralph Wilson. Mike's mom called me on my cell. "Just wanted Mike to know that Jeremy called the house, saying that Mike was speeding...doing a 64 in a 55. *laughs*" When I told Mike, he was like, "What the heck?" And when we finally pulled into the stadium, the guys started teasing Mike saying that he swerves when he drives and speeds too much. Mike just blew it off.
So we played some madd-football (or f-ball, as I like to call it lol) and ate food. It was really nice. I loved hanging with everyone...they're such a riot! When we went into the stadium, I sat between Mike and Jer. Mike got a lot of hits because he was wearing his Panthers jersey so some guy with SPIKES stitched on the back of his, made fun of him...all in good humor. It was funny. I started getting tired during the game and fell asleep on Mike's chest. Mike prodded me awake and said, "That's a $60 nap you're taking." All in all...it was great. The game was so close...but Panthers won out in the end...and yes, Mike was thrilled. I love him so much! He looks absolutely cute when he gets excited ;)
So we went back to the cars and played more football. There was a fight going on across the street...three guys and one girl. They were swearing at each other and Tom, Jer, Dibaise, and Russ ran over to "stop the action." The girl was screaming at the top of her lungs, "Go ahead hit me you f-----, I dare you!" The other guy, who was now back in his car, was screaming for the whole world to hear, "This boy got his a-- kicked by a girl! What a fag!" The boy who had gotten knocked around by the girl flipped him off and jumped into his car. All in all...it was quite interesting.
I love playing football with the guys. And I got a chance to quarterback. When Jer, me, Dibaise and Tom got into a huddle, Jer started out his sentence with, "Now Karen I know you can't throw far..." I hit him and laughed. I actually did pretty good. Mike was impressed...him and I gave each other hugs and high fives after each play.
What was gross...lol...was when Tom decided to pee...so he went over to Mike's truck...and peed on the tires! I don't think Mike even knows...to this day. When Tom was done...Mike went over and did the same thing!
To make this long story short...we all went to Denny's on Maple...without Russ and Dibaise because they were tired so Madden had dropped them off home. The first person I saw when I walked in...was Pat. I was blown outta my mind...I thought he didn't work there anymore. Mike and Jer saw that I was nervouse...so they were my bodyguards for the night. When I had to use the bathroom, Jer walked over with me. Mike and Madden and Tom kept on the lookout. Even Lisa...who we ran into..helped out lol. Wow...I'm so pathetic...
That whole day in general was amazing! I loved how close I felt to Mike...it was great! :) My baby always knows how to make me feel special and wanted. *kisses*
Until next time... |
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